i just love boys but also hate them it’s so confusing
tonight i went out with a really handsome, sweet guy who told me that i was beautiful and a darling, and i felt absolutely nothing.
i was about to grab lunch with my mom at a deli downtown today when i ran into that guy who tried to force his dick on me a couple months ago.
i instantly recognized him, shifted my eyes to the ground and pretended not to see him. the damage was done though. despite my best efforts to be invisible, he saw me. he puffed up his big stupid chest and smirked, a dangerously smug look on his face.
my mom noticed this exchange and asked, “oh he’s cute, is that one of your friends?” i didn’t have the heart to tell her; partly because i didn’t want to make her upset but mostly because i didn’t want to see her absolutely murder him. we took our stuff to go.
it makes me so angry because my instant reaction was to hide and be embarrassed. i know that he should be the one who is embarrassed and ashamed and cowering when he sees me, not the other way around. i didn’t do anything wrong; i didn’t cross a boundary, i didn’t disregard anybody’s feelings, i didn’t insist yes when someone said no. i’m livid about the way i tried to shrink myself as a result of seeing this fucker.